Showing posts with label FUN. Show all posts
Showing posts with label FUN. Show all posts
Wednesday, 7 April 2010
Tuesday, 6 April 2010
Sunday, 13 July 2008
Just 4 Gags
1. Long back, a person who sacrificed his sleep,forgot his family,forgot
his food,forgot laughter were called "Saints".
But now they are called..
"IT professionals"
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2. An interesting line written at the back of an Biker's T Shirt:
" If you are able to see this, Please tell me that my galfriend has
fallen off"
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3. Most Relationships fail not because of the absence of love..
Love is always present..Its just that,One loves too much and
The other loves too many,
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
4. Employee: Boss, Now i have got married..! Please increase my
salary..!
BOSS: Factory is not responsible for accidents occuring outside the
company..!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
5. Philosophy of life
At the begining of married life, every gal treats her husband as GOD,
Later on somehow the alphabets got reversed..!
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6. What is a Fear?
Fear is the Deep, Wrenching feeling in your stomach
When pages of your book still smell new
and
Just few hours left for your exams..!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
7. Someone has rightly said, "A fool can ask More questions that a wise
man cannot answer"
No Wonder why so many of us speechless when lecturers ask question..!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
8. Boy: Do you have Cards with sentimental Love quotes?
Shopkeeper: Oh sure..@! How about this card, it says "To the only girl I
ever loved.!"
Boy: Thats good, Give me 12 of them..!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
9. After reading the form filled by an applicant.. The employer said: "
WE do have an opening for you..!
Applicant: What is it?
Interviewer: Its called the "door..!"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
10. A Banner cum Sign Board In front of an IT company..
Drive Slowly, Dont kill our Employee...
..... Leave them to us
his food,forgot laughter were called "Saints".
But now they are called..
"IT professionals"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
2. An interesting line written at the back of an Biker's T Shirt:
" If you are able to see this, Please tell me that my galfriend has
fallen off"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
3. Most Relationships fail not because of the absence of love..
Love is always present..Its just that,One loves too much and
The other loves too many,
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
4. Employee: Boss, Now i have got married..! Please increase my
salary..!
BOSS: Factory is not responsible for accidents occuring outside the
company..!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
5. Philosophy of life
At the begining of married life, every gal treats her husband as GOD,
Later on somehow the alphabets got reversed..!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
6. What is a Fear?
Fear is the Deep, Wrenching feeling in your stomach
When pages of your book still smell new
and
Just few hours left for your exams..!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
7. Someone has rightly said, "A fool can ask More questions that a wise
man cannot answer"
No Wonder why so many of us speechless when lecturers ask question..!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
8. Boy: Do you have Cards with sentimental Love quotes?
Shopkeeper: Oh sure..@! How about this card, it says "To the only girl I
ever loved.!"
Boy: Thats good, Give me 12 of them..!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
9. After reading the form filled by an applicant.. The employer said: "
WE do have an opening for you..!
Applicant: What is it?
Interviewer: Its called the "door..!"
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
10. A Banner cum Sign Board In front of an IT company..
Drive Slowly, Dont kill our Employee...
..... Leave them to us
Wednesday, 4 June 2008
Mallu jokes
Enough of Sardar jokes....... ......... . Mallu jokes are here
(no offence meant pls...)!!!!! !!!!!
1) What is the tax on a Mallu's income called?
IngumDax
2) Where did the Malayali study?
In the ko-liage.
3) Why did the Malayali not go to ko-liage today?
He is very bissi.
4) Why did the Malayali buy an air-ticket?
To go to Thuubai, zimbly to meet his ungle in
Gelff.
5) Why do Malayalis go to the Gelff?
To yearn meney.
6) What did the Malayali do when the plane caught
fire?
He zimbly jembd out of the vindow.
7) How does a Malayali spell moon?
MOON - Yem Woh yet another Woh and Yen
8) What is Malayali management graduate called?
Yem Bee Yae.
9) What does a Malayali do when he goes to
America ?
He changes his name from Karunakaran to Kevin Curren.
10) What does a Malayali use to commute to office
everyday?
An Oto
11) Where does he pray?
In a Temble, Charch and a Maask
12) Who is Bruce Lee's best friend ?
A Malaya-Lee of coarse.
13) Name the only part of the werld, where Malayalis dont werk hard?
Kerala.
14) Why is industrial productivity so low in Kerala?
Because 86% of the shift time is spent on lifting, folding and re-tying the lungi
15) Why did Saddam Hussain attackKuwait?
He had a Mallu baby-sitter, who always used to say
'KEEP QUWAIT' 'KEEP QUWAIT'
16) What is the Latest Malayali Punch Line?
" Frem Tea Shops To Koll Cenders , We Are Yevery Where "
17) Why aren't Mals included in hockey and football
teams ?
Coz Whenever they get a corner , they set up a tea shop.
18) Now pass it on to 5 Mals to get a free sample of
kokanet oil.
19) Pass it on 10 Mals to get a free pack of
Benana
Chibbs.
20) Pass it on to 15 Mals to get a set of
BROGUN
bones....
(no offence meant pls...)!!!!! !!!!!
1) What is the tax on a Mallu's income called?
IngumDax
2) Where did the Malayali study?
In the ko-liage.
3) Why did the Malayali not go to ko-liage today?
He is very bissi.
4) Why did the Malayali buy an air-ticket?
To go to Thuubai, zimbly to meet his ungle in
Gelff.
5) Why do Malayalis go to the Gelff?
To yearn meney.
6) What did the Malayali do when the plane caught
fire?
He zimbly jembd out of the vindow.
7) How does a Malayali spell moon?
MOON - Yem Woh yet another Woh and Yen
8) What is Malayali management graduate called?
Yem Bee Yae.
9) What does a Malayali do when he goes to
America ?
He changes his name from Karunakaran to Kevin Curren.
10) What does a Malayali use to commute to office
everyday?
An Oto
11) Where does he pray?
In a Temble, Charch and a Maask
12) Who is Bruce Lee's best friend ?
A Malaya-Lee of coarse.
13) Name the only part of the werld, where Malayalis dont werk hard?
Kerala.
14) Why is industrial productivity so low in Kerala?
Because 86% of the shift time is spent on lifting, folding and re-tying the lungi
15) Why did Saddam Hussain attackKuwait?
He had a Mallu baby-sitter, who always used to say
'KEEP QUWAIT' 'KEEP QUWAIT'
16) What is the Latest Malayali Punch Line?
" Frem Tea Shops To Koll Cenders , We Are Yevery Where "
17) Why aren't Mals included in hockey and football
teams ?
Coz Whenever they get a corner , they set up a tea shop.
18) Now pass it on to 5 Mals to get a free sample of
kokanet oil.
19) Pass it on 10 Mals to get a free pack of
Benana
Chibbs.
20) Pass it on to 15 Mals to get a set of
BROGUN
bones....
Just for Laughs
Just for Laughs
Two men
met while both where looking for their lost wives.
1st: How yours look like?
2nd: She is 5"7, 36-24-36, Fair, Black eyes. What about yours?
1st:
Forget mine.
Lets find yours!!
**********
Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend to death.
Wife says, "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends".
**********
What is the definition of Mistress?
Someone between the Mister and Mattress
**********
Husband asks , "Do u know the meaning of WIFE??
"Without Information Fighting Everytime"
Wife replies," No, It means ,
"With Idiot For Ever!!!"
**********
Three Feelings:
What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant,
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and
Panic
is when both are pregnant.
**********
Teacher: u know the importance of period?
Kid: Ya, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got heart attack & our driver ran away.
**********
Women asked man who is traveling with six children, all these kids are urs ???
No, I work in a condom factory & these are
customer complaints.
**********
Sons asks difference between confidence and confidential
Dad says, you are my son, I'm confident. Your friend is also my son, that's confidential!
**********
Mother to her teenage daughter: I think this is the right time we should talk about sex.
Daughter (Excitingly) : Sure mom, tell me what do you want to know.
Mother Faints... --
**********
Two men
met while both where looking for their lost wives.
1st: How yours look like?
2nd: She is 5"7, 36-24-36, Fair, Black eyes. What about yours?
1st:
Forget mine.
Lets find yours!!
**********
Man comes home, finds his wife with his friend in bed.
He shoots his friend to death.
Wife says, "If you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends".
**********
What is the definition of Mistress?
Someone between the Mister and Mattress
**********
Husband asks , "Do u know the meaning of WIFE??
"Without Information Fighting Everytime"
Wife replies," No, It means ,
"With Idiot For Ever!!!"
**********
Three Feelings:
What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant,
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant, and
Panic
is when both are pregnant.
**********
Teacher: u know the importance of period?
Kid: Ya, once my sister said she has missed one, my mom fainted, dad got heart attack & our driver ran away.
**********
Women asked man who is traveling with six children, all these kids are urs ???
No, I work in a condom factory & these are
customer complaints.
**********
Sons asks difference between confidence and confidential
Dad says, you are my son, I'm confident. Your friend is also my son, that's confidential!
**********
Mother to her teenage daughter: I think this is the right time we should talk about sex.
Daughter (Excitingly) : Sure mom, tell me what do you want to know.
Mother Faints... --
**********
Monday, 2 June 2008
Don't use mobile inside Toilet
I was barely sitting down when i heard a vioce from the other stall saying : "Hi, how are you?"
I'm not the type to start a conversation in the men's restroom But i don't know what got into me, so i answered, somewhat embarrassed, "Doin just fine!"
And the other guy says: "So what are you up to?"
What kind of quesion is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so i say: "Uhhh, I'm like you, just travelling!"
At this point im just trying to get out as fast as i can when i hear i hear another question. "Can I come over?"
Ok, this question is just too weird for me but i figured i could just be polite and end the conversation. i tell him, "No....... I'm a little busy right now!!!"
Then i hear guy say nervously... .
Listen. i'll have to call you back. There's is an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my
questions!!!"
Saturday, 10 May 2008
Wednesday, 23 April 2008
TAARE ZAMEEN PAR ....., If Some Other Director's Had Made This Movie......
If Karan Johar made Taare
Obvious starcast:
**Shah Rukh Khan as the arts teacher (duh duh duh!!).
**Aryan Khan as the dyslexic child (even if he could not act for nuts).
**Rani Mukerjee as the kid's mom (assuming Kajol is unavailable) .
**Abhishek Bachchan as the kid's dad.
**Amitabh Bachchan as the school principal (who cares
**If the role is ultra minute, he can afford it).
**It would be shot in New York to appeal to the NRI audience.
**The story line would obviously be different. SRK would fall for the dyslexic kid's mom. The last scene would have the mom running to the teacher rather than the kid. And again, like in so many other movies, SRK would get someone else's girl.
**It would have one dance number.
**The film would be titled ' Kuch Taare Zameen Par .'
If Sanjay Leela Bhansali made Taare
Obvious starcast:
**Salman as the teacher.
**Rani as the mother.
**Of course the whole film would be shot on elaborate sets. The school would be nothing short of Harvard university.
**An orchestra would play every time anyone cried.
Slow motion, different camera angles for every scene.
**The school uniforms would match the classroom walls even though that does not make a f***ing difference.
The film would cost 60 crores.
If Farah Khan made Taare
Obvious starcast:
**SRK as the teacher (yawn).
**In the original Taare, Aamir makes an entry at the interval point. In Farah's version, SRK would be on screen on for 2.30 hrs out of the 2.45 hrs and would be introduced in the first scene itself.
**The story would be changed to make sure the above happened. The focus of the film would be a teacher who helps a kid fight dyslexia.
**To make it a complete entertainer, there would be a romantic angle, comedy, and action thrown in. Oh idea!! Nikumbh's character likes another teacher and the kiddo helps him.. throw in some comedy moments there and you have romance and comedy settled. For action.. hmm.. lemme see.. oh yah, the kid gets kidnapped and the teacher fights the baddies to save him. Wow!! I'm quite an imaginative writer. I can see how Farah can write a film from scratch in two weeks straight.
**The film posters would have a big SRK with the tiny image of the kid in the background.
If Rakesh Roshan made Taare
Obvious starcast:
**Hrithik Roshan as the teacher.
**Since Rakesh Roshan cannot think beyond science fiction these days, this film would have that too. Instead of dyslexia, the kid would have alienositis or something, a condition induced due to him witnessing an alien abduction.
**Instead of Nikumbh being an arts teacher, he would be a physics teacher, and instead of asking kids to be creative, he would ask them to challenge the science we know.
**In the scene where Nikumbh asks the kids to open their minds and make whatever they want outdoors, the kid Ishaan, instead of making a boat, would end up making a working spaceship prototype.
**Nikumbh would cure the kids problem by making a full fledged version of the kid's prototype, traveling to the alien planet, and asking them to give the kid his powers back.
**The film would have mus ic by Rajesh Roshan ripped off from some world music.
**The film's name would again start with a K.. probably ' Kuch Aliens Taaron se Zameen Par' .
**The director would make sure Hrithik gets to show all his abilities. This would mean a scene with Roshan jr flexing his muscles, and a dance competition in the end, instead of an arts competition.
If Priyadarshan made Taare:
Obvious starcast:
**Akshay Kumar as the teacher.
**Paresh Rawal as the kid's dad.
**It would be a brainless comedy. The kid's dyslexia would be made fun of. Half the times the parents will be running after the kid from one room to the other and that, in the director's opinion, would be funny.
**The film will be full of Abuse Word jokes. So for example, when Akshay would come to the parents telling them that their son has dyslexia, the ignorant father would say something inappropriate like 'iss umar mein? par kaise, woh to hamesha boys school mein padha hai!'. And yes, the director would think it is funny.
**In the climax of the film all the characters in the film would run around in the amphitheater for no reason, spilling colors on each other. That's where the film will end, without any logical conclusion.
**And of course, Paresh Rawal would emote like an epileptic himself making us question the boy's mental abilities anyway
Obvious starcast:
**Shah Rukh Khan as the arts teacher (duh duh duh!!).
**Aryan Khan as the dyslexic child (even if he could not act for nuts).
**Rani Mukerjee as the kid's mom (assuming Kajol is unavailable) .
**Abhishek Bachchan as the kid's dad.
**Amitabh Bachchan as the school principal (who cares
**If the role is ultra minute, he can afford it).
**It would be shot in New York to appeal to the NRI audience.
**The story line would obviously be different. SRK would fall for the dyslexic kid's mom. The last scene would have the mom running to the teacher rather than the kid. And again, like in so many other movies, SRK would get someone else's girl.
**It would have one dance number.
**The film would be titled ' Kuch Taare Zameen Par .'
If Sanjay Leela Bhansali made Taare
Obvious starcast:
**Salman as the teacher.
**Rani as the mother.
**Of course the whole film would be shot on elaborate sets. The school would be nothing short of Harvard university.
**An orchestra would play every time anyone cried.
Slow motion, different camera angles for every scene.
**The school uniforms would match the classroom walls even though that does not make a f***ing difference.
The film would cost 60 crores.
If Farah Khan made Taare
Obvious starcast:
**SRK as the teacher (yawn).
**In the original Taare, Aamir makes an entry at the interval point. In Farah's version, SRK would be on screen on for 2.30 hrs out of the 2.45 hrs and would be introduced in the first scene itself.
**The story would be changed to make sure the above happened. The focus of the film would be a teacher who helps a kid fight dyslexia.
**To make it a complete entertainer, there would be a romantic angle, comedy, and action thrown in. Oh idea!! Nikumbh's character likes another teacher and the kiddo helps him.. throw in some comedy moments there and you have romance and comedy settled. For action.. hmm.. lemme see.. oh yah, the kid gets kidnapped and the teacher fights the baddies to save him. Wow!! I'm quite an imaginative writer. I can see how Farah can write a film from scratch in two weeks straight.
**The film posters would have a big SRK with the tiny image of the kid in the background.
If Rakesh Roshan made Taare
Obvious starcast:
**Hrithik Roshan as the teacher.
**Since Rakesh Roshan cannot think beyond science fiction these days, this film would have that too. Instead of dyslexia, the kid would have alienositis or something, a condition induced due to him witnessing an alien abduction.
**Instead of Nikumbh being an arts teacher, he would be a physics teacher, and instead of asking kids to be creative, he would ask them to challenge the science we know.
**In the scene where Nikumbh asks the kids to open their minds and make whatever they want outdoors, the kid Ishaan, instead of making a boat, would end up making a working spaceship prototype.
**Nikumbh would cure the kids problem by making a full fledged version of the kid's prototype, traveling to the alien planet, and asking them to give the kid his powers back.
**The film would have mus ic by Rajesh Roshan ripped off from some world music.
**The film's name would again start with a K.. probably ' Kuch Aliens Taaron se Zameen Par' .
**The director would make sure Hrithik gets to show all his abilities. This would mean a scene with Roshan jr flexing his muscles, and a dance competition in the end, instead of an arts competition.
If Priyadarshan made Taare:
Obvious starcast:
**Akshay Kumar as the teacher.
**Paresh Rawal as the kid's dad.
**It would be a brainless comedy. The kid's dyslexia would be made fun of. Half the times the parents will be running after the kid from one room to the other and that, in the director's opinion, would be funny.
**The film will be full of Abuse Word jokes. So for example, when Akshay would come to the parents telling them that their son has dyslexia, the ignorant father would say something inappropriate like 'iss umar mein? par kaise, woh to hamesha boys school mein padha hai!'. And yes, the director would think it is funny.
**In the climax of the film all the characters in the film would run around in the amphitheater for no reason, spilling colors on each other. That's where the film will end, without any logical conclusion.
**And of course, Paresh Rawal would emote like an epileptic himself making us question the boy's mental abilities anyway
Modern Panchatantra Story !!, IT humor
Once upon a time
, there was a software engineer who used to develop programs on his Pentium machine, sitting under a tree on the banks of a river. He used to earn his bread by selling those programs in the Sunday market.
One day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off the table and fell in the river. Encouraged by the Panchatantra story of his childhood
( the woodcutter and the axe )
He started praying to the River Goddess. The River Goddess wanted to test him and so appeared only after one month of rigorous prayers. The engineer told her that he had lost his computer in the river.
As usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty. She showed him a match box and asked, "
Is this your computer ?
" Disappointed by the Goddess' lack of computer awareness, the engineer replied, " No."
She next showed him a pocket-sized calculator and asked if that was his.
Annoyed, the engineer said "
No, not at all !!"
Finally, she came up with his own Pentium machine and asked if it was his.
The engineer, left with no option, sighed and said "Yes."
The River Goddess was happy with his honesty. She was about to give him all three items, but before she could make the offer, the engineer asked her, "Don't you know that you're supposed to show me some better computers before bringing up my own ?"
The River Goddess, angered at this, replied, "I know that, you stupid donkey! The first two things I showed you were the Trillennium and the Billennium, the latest computers from IBM !". So saying, she disappeared with the Pentium!!
********
Moral: If you're not up-to-date with technology trends, it's better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you're a genius than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.
, there was a software engineer who used to develop programs on his Pentium machine, sitting under a tree on the banks of a river. He used to earn his bread by selling those programs in the Sunday market.
One day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off the table and fell in the river. Encouraged by the Panchatantra story of his childhood
( the woodcutter and the axe )
He started praying to the River Goddess. The River Goddess wanted to test him and so appeared only after one month of rigorous prayers. The engineer told her that he had lost his computer in the river.
As usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty. She showed him a match box and asked, "
Is this your computer ?
" Disappointed by the Goddess' lack of computer awareness, the engineer replied, " No."
She next showed him a pocket-sized calculator and asked if that was his.
Annoyed, the engineer said "
No, not at all !!"
Finally, she came up with his own Pentium machine and asked if it was his.
The engineer, left with no option, sighed and said "Yes."
The River Goddess was happy with his honesty. She was about to give him all three items, but before she could make the offer, the engineer asked her, "Don't you know that you're supposed to show me some better computers before bringing up my own ?"
The River Goddess, angered at this, replied, "I know that, you stupid donkey! The first two things I showed you were the Trillennium and the Billennium, the latest computers from IBM !". So saying, she disappeared with the Pentium!!
********
Moral: If you're not up-to-date with technology trends, it's better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you're a genius than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.
WhEn NrI ReTuRnS tO INDIA..................., this sure will happen
What happens when desi returns from Abroad!!
21. Tries to use Credit Card in road side Hotel.
20. Drinks and carries Mineral Water and always speaks of Health. (proving to be very health conscious).
19. Sprays DEO such so that he doesn't need to take bath.
18. Sneezes and says 'Excuse me'.
17. Says "Hey" instead of "Hi".
Says "Yogurt" instead of "Curds".
Says "Cab" instead of "Taxi".
Says "Candy" instead of "Chocolate".
Says "Cookie" instead of "Biscuit".
Says "Free Way" instead of "Highway".
Says "Got To Go" instead of "Have To Go".
Says "Oh" instead of "Zero", (for 704, says Seven Oh Four Instead of Seven Zero Four)
16. Doesn't forget to crib about air pollution. Keeps cribbing every time he steps out.
15. Says all the distances in Miles (Not in KiloMeters), and counts in Millions.(Not in Lakhs)
14. Tries to figure all the prices in Dollars as far as possible (but deep down the heart multiplies by 43 times).
13. Tries to see the % of fat on the cover of a milk pocket.
12. When need to say Z (zed), never says Z (Zed), repeats "Zee" several times, if the other person unable to get, then says X, Y, Zee (but never says Zed).
11. Writes date as MM/DD/YYYY & on watching traditional DD/MM/YYYY, says "Oh! British Style!!!!"
10. Makes fun of Indian Standard Time and Indian Road Conditions.
9. Even after 2 months, complaints about "Jet Lag".
8. Avoids eating more chili (hot) stuff.
7. Tries to drink "Diet Coke", instead of Normal Coke.
6. Tries to complain about any thing in India as if he is experiencing it for the first time.
5. Pronounces "schedule" as "skejule", and "module" as "Mojule".
4. Looks suspiciously towards Hotel/Dhaba food.
Few more important stuffs:-
3. From the luggage bag, does not remove the stickers of Airways by which he traveled back to India, even after 4 months of arrival.
2. Takes the cabin luggage bag to short visits in India, tries to roll the bag on Indian Roads.
And The Ultimate One:-
1. Tries to begin conversation with "In US ...." or "When I was in US..."
21. Tries to use Credit Card in road side Hotel.
20. Drinks and carries Mineral Water and always speaks of Health. (proving to be very health conscious).
19. Sprays DEO such so that he doesn't need to take bath.
18. Sneezes and says 'Excuse me'.
17. Says "Hey" instead of "Hi".
Says "Yogurt" instead of "Curds".
Says "Cab" instead of "Taxi".
Says "Candy" instead of "Chocolate".
Says "Cookie" instead of "Biscuit".
Says "Free Way" instead of "Highway".
Says "Got To Go" instead of "Have To Go".
Says "Oh" instead of "Zero", (for 704, says Seven Oh Four Instead of Seven Zero Four)
16. Doesn't forget to crib about air pollution. Keeps cribbing every time he steps out.
15. Says all the distances in Miles (Not in KiloMeters), and counts in Millions.(Not in Lakhs)
14. Tries to figure all the prices in Dollars as far as possible (but deep down the heart multiplies by 43 times).
13. Tries to see the % of fat on the cover of a milk pocket.
12. When need to say Z (zed), never says Z (Zed), repeats "Zee" several times, if the other person unable to get, then says X, Y, Zee (but never says Zed).
11. Writes date as MM/DD/YYYY & on watching traditional DD/MM/YYYY, says "Oh! British Style!!!!"
10. Makes fun of Indian Standard Time and Indian Road Conditions.
9. Even after 2 months, complaints about "Jet Lag".
8. Avoids eating more chili (hot) stuff.
7. Tries to drink "Diet Coke", instead of Normal Coke.
6. Tries to complain about any thing in India as if he is experiencing it for the first time.
5. Pronounces "schedule" as "skejule", and "module" as "Mojule".
4. Looks suspiciously towards Hotel/Dhaba food.
Few more important stuffs:-
3. From the luggage bag, does not remove the stickers of Airways by which he traveled back to India, even after 4 months of arrival.
2. Takes the cabin luggage bag to short visits in India, tries to roll the bag on Indian Roads.
And The Ultimate One:-
1. Tries to begin conversation with "In US ...." or "When I was in US..."
Monday, 21 April 2008
JOKE8
Are you qualified to this job?
Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential.
Wanted: Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
Wanted: Part-time married girls for soda fountain in sandwich shop.
Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.
Wanted: Preparer of food. Must be dependable, like the food business, and be willing to get hands dirty.
Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential.
Wanted: Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.
Wanted: Part-time married girls for soda fountain in sandwich shop.
Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.
Wanted: Preparer of food. Must be dependable, like the food business, and be willing to get hands dirty.
JOKE7
Several weeks after a young man had been hired, he was called into the personnel manager's office.
"What is the meaning of this?" the manager asked. "When you applied for the job, you told us you had 5 years' experience. Now we discover this is the first job you've ever had."
"Well," the young man said, "in your ad you said you wanted somebody with imagination."
"What is the meaning of this?" the manager asked. "When you applied for the job, you told us you had 5 years' experience. Now we discover this is the first job you've ever had."
"Well," the young man said, "in your ad you said you wanted somebody with imagination."
JOKE6
The navy psychiatrist was interviewing a potential sailor. To check on the young man's response to trouble, the psychiatrist asked, "What would you do if you looked out of that window right now and saw a battleship coming down the street?"
The baby sailor said, "I'd grab a torpedo and sink it."
"Where would you get the torpedo?"
"The same place you got your battleship!"
The baby sailor said, "I'd grab a torpedo and sink it."
"Where would you get the torpedo?"
"The same place you got your battleship!"
JOKE5
A man applied for a job as an industrial spy. Together with several other applicants, he was given a sealed envelope and told to take it to the fourth floor.
As soon as the man was alone, he stepped into an empty hallway and opened the envelope. Inside, a message read: "You're our kind of person. Report to the fifth floor Personnel Office."
As soon as the man was alone, he stepped into an empty hallway and opened the envelope. Inside, a message read: "You're our kind of person. Report to the fifth floor Personnel Office."
JOKE4
The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer went in to try out for the job.
"Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Gomer, what is 1 and 1?"
"11" he replied.
The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but he's right."
"What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?"
"Today and tomorrow."
The sheriff was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.
"Now Gomer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?"
Gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know."
"Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?"
So, Gomer wandered over to the barbershop where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. Gomer was exultant. "It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"
"Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Gomer, what is 1 and 1?"
"11" he replied.
The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but he's right."
"What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?"
"Today and tomorrow."
The sheriff was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.
"Now Gomer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?"
Gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know."
"Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?"
So, Gomer wandered over to the barbershop where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. Gomer was exultant. "It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"
JOKE3
In a job interview for policemen the applicants are shown a profile picture of a man, and the interviewer says, "The job that you're applying for requires powers of observation. Make one observation about this man."
The first applicant enters and says, "This man has just one ear."
"Get out!!" screams the interviewer.
The second applicant enters and says, "This man has one ear."
"Get out!!" screams the interviewer again.
Then the third applicant gets up to go in for his interview. The first two guys are out there and they tell him, "The guy that's giving the interview doesn't like to hear that the man in the picture has one ear."
"Thanks for the tip" says the third applicant.
So the third applicant enters, stares at the picture for a while and finally he says, "This man wears contact lenses."
The interviewer is impressed and says, "Excellent observation. Tell me, how could you tell?"
So the guy says, "Well, this man has just one ear, how could he wear glasses?"
The first applicant enters and says, "This man has just one ear."
"Get out!!" screams the interviewer.
The second applicant enters and says, "This man has one ear."
"Get out!!" screams the interviewer again.
Then the third applicant gets up to go in for his interview. The first two guys are out there and they tell him, "The guy that's giving the interview doesn't like to hear that the man in the picture has one ear."
"Thanks for the tip" says the third applicant.
So the third applicant enters, stares at the picture for a while and finally he says, "This man wears contact lenses."
The interviewer is impressed and says, "Excellent observation. Tell me, how could you tell?"
So the guy says, "Well, this man has just one ear, how could he wear glasses?"
JOKE2
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources person asked a young applicant fresh out of Business School, "And what starting salary are you looking for?"
The applicant said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."
The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years - say, a red Corvette?"
The applicant sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"
And the interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."
The applicant said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."
The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years - say, a red Corvette?"
The applicant sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"
And the interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."
some professional jokes
professional jokes-credits to orginal poster
Employer to applicant: "In this job we need someone who is responsible."
Applicant: "I'm the one you want. On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."
"Young man, do you think you can handle a variety of work?"
"I ought to be able to. I've had ten different jobs in four months."
Employer to applicant: "In this job we need someone who is responsible."
Applicant: "I'm the one you want. On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."
"Young man, do you think you can handle a variety of work?"
"I ought to be able to. I've had ten different jobs in four months."
Friday, 18 April 2008
Thursday, 17 April 2008
FUNNY JOKE
The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer went in to try out for the job.
"Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Gomer, what is 1 and 1?"
"11" he replied.
The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but he's right."
"What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?"
"Today and tomorrow."
The sheriff was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.
"Now Gomer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?"
Gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know."
"Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?"
So, Gomer wandered over to the barbershop where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. Gomer was exultant. "It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"
"Okay," the sheriff drawled, "Gomer, what is 1 and 1?"
"11" he replied.
The sheriff thought to himself, "That's not what I meant, but he's right."
"What two days of the week start with the letter 'T'?"
"Today and tomorrow."
The sheriff was again surprised that Gomer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself.
"Now Gomer, listen carefully: Who killed Abraham Lincoln?"
Gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "I don't know."
"Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?"
So, Gomer wandered over to the barbershop where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. Gomer was exultant. "It went great! First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"
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