Presenting Punjlish : The English of Punjab : Funny Punjabi ABC
PUNJABI ABC
This one's not just for Punjabis but for all those who have faced
'Punjlish'.
A is for Aiscreame
B is for Backside, and it has nothing to do with your bum. It is an
instruction to go to the rear of a building, or block, or shop or
whatever.
C is for Cloney and its not a process for replicating sheep, nor is its
first name George. It is merely an area where people live e.g. 'Defence Cloney'.
D is for the proverbial ‘Dangar da Puttar’
E is for Expanditure, the spending of money
F is for Fackade, and even though it sounds like a bad word it is
actually just the front of a building (with backside being the back, of course).
G is for Gaddi, and the way a Punjabi can pilot his gaddi puts any F1
driver to shame. (If the Grand Prix does come to Delhi there's no way Hamilton,
Alonso or Kimi can overtake Balvinder, Jasvinder or Sukhvinder's taxi.)
H is for 'Ho Jayega Ji', and the moment you hear that you have to be
careful because you can be reasonably sure it's not going to happen.
I is for Intezaar, and to know more about it see P.
J is for Jutt, which every Punjabi seems to be.
K is for Khanna, Khurana, etc, the Punjabi equivalent of the Joneses
(e.g.'Keeping up with the Khuranas ji')
L is for Loin, the king of the jungle
M is for 'Mrooti', the car that an entire generation of Punjabis were in
love with.
N is for 'No Problem Ji.' To find out how that works see H.
O is for Oye, which can be surprise (Oyye!), a greeting
(Oyy!), anger (OYY!) or pain (Oy oy oy...).
P is for Punj Mint, and no matter how near (1 km) or far
(100 km) a Punjabi is from you he always says he'll reach you in punj
mint (5 minutes...).
Q is for Queue, a word completely untranslateable into Punjabi.
R is for Riks, and a Punjabi is always prepared to take one
(risk), even if the odds are against him.
S is for Sweetie, Sunny, Simmi and Sonu, who seem to own half the cars
in Delhi . (The other half by their Pappas - like 'Sweetie de Pappa di Gaddi')
T is for the official bird of Punjab : Tandoori Chicken.
U is for when you lose your sex appeal and become 'Uncle-ji'
V is for VIP phone numbers @ Rs 15 lakh and counting.
W is for Whan, as in 'Whan are you coming, ji?'
X is for the many X-rated words that flow freely in Punjabi
conversations.
Y is for 'You nonsense', when anger replaces vocabulary in a shouting
match.
Z is for Zindagi which every Punjabi knows how to live to the fullest.
Tuesday 23 September 2008
26 International Rules of Manhood : Funny
01. Under no circumstances may two men use an umbrella.
02. It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
a. When heroic dog dies to save it's master.
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts to unbutton her blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss' car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into the "Crying Game".
e. When she is using her teeth.
03. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
04. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
05. If you've know a guy for more that 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.
06. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden, however complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
07. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional.
08. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
09. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game, but you may never ask who's playing.
10. It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach....and it's delivered by a top-less model and only when it's free.
11. Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
12. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
13. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Never. Issue closed.
14. If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
15. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
16. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed women must remain sober enough to fight.
17. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
18. If you compliment a guy on his six pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
19. Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
20. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: ie. Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations,
an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
21. Never allow a phone conversation with a women to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the
phone. Hang up if necessary.
22. The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a mistake it was occurs.
23. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
24. Thou shall not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green,orange or sky blue.
25. The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.
26. There is no reason for a man to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.
02. It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
a. When heroic dog dies to save it's master.
b. The moment Angelina Jolie starts to unbutton her blouse.
c. After wrecking your boss' car.
d. One hour, 12 minutes, 37 seconds into the "Crying Game".
e. When she is using her teeth.
03. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.
04. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.
05. If you've know a guy for more that 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.
06. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden, however complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.
07. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional.
08. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.
09. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game, but you may never ask who's playing.
10. It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach....and it's delivered by a top-less model and only when it's free.
11. Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.
12. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.
13. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Never. Issue closed.
14. If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.
15. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.
16. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed women must remain sober enough to fight.
17. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.
18. If you compliment a guy on his six pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.
19. Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response.
20. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing: ie. Both urinating, both waiting in line, etc. For all other situations,
an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need.
21. Never allow a phone conversation with a women to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the
phone. Hang up if necessary.
22. The morning after you and a girl who was formerly "just a friend" have carnal drunken monkey sex, the fact that you're feeling weird and guilty is no reason for you not to nail each other again before the discussion about what a mistake it was occurs.
23. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.
24. Thou shall not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green,orange or sky blue.
25. The girl who replies to the question "What do you want for Christmas?" with "If you loved me, you'd know what I want!" gets an Xbox. End of story.
26. There is no reason for a man to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.
Buy Tickets for India Vs Australia Test Series Oct 2008 Match Schedule
India is going to welcome Australia in a four match test series, starting from October 9, 2008. The exciting series is expected to be staged as both the sides will be looking to win the test series. Australia will play two practice matches against teams in India ahead of the series. India lost test series in Australia 2-1 earlier this year. Indian fans will expect Indian players to take the revenge of that defeat and retain Border-Gavaskar trophy once again.
The tickets can be collected from below contacts
E: kashan@ticketpro.in
T: +91 080-22862612 | Fax:+91 080-41219492 | Skype: kashan.ticketpro
TICKETPRO India Pvt. Ltd. | #101, 1st Floor, Infantry Court | Infantry Road| Bangalore | India | 560 001
www.ticketpro.in
TICKETPRO – YOUR TICKET TO THE ENTERTAINMENT WORLD
Australia tour of India, 2008/09
September 2008
Sat 27 - Sun 28 Rajasthan Cricket Association's Centre of Excellence v Australians
Venue TBC
October 2008
Thu 2 - Sun 5
04:00 GMT TBC v Australians
Venue TBC
Thu 9 - Mon 13
09:30 local, 04:00 GMT 1st Test - India v Australia
M Chinnaswamy Stadium, Bangalore
Fri 17 - Tue 21
09:30 local, 04:00 GMT 2nd Test - India v Australia
Punjab Cricket Association Stadium, Mohali, Chandigarh
Wed 29 - Sun 2
09:30 local, 04:00 GMT 3rd Test - India v Australia
Feroz Shah Kotla, Delhi
November 2008
Thu 6 - Mon 10
09:30 local, 04:00 GMT 4th Test - India v Australia
Vidarbha Cricket Association Ground, Nagpur
The tickets can be collected from below contacts
E: kashan@ticketpro.in
T: +91 080-22862612 | Fax:+91 080-41219492 | Skype: kashan.ticketpro
TICKETPRO India Pvt. Ltd. | #101, 1st Floor, Infantry Court | Infantry Road| Bangalore | India | 560 001
www.ticketpro.in
TICKETPRO – YOUR TICKET TO THE ENTERTAINMENT WORLD
Australia tour of India, 2008/09
September 2008
Sat 27 - Sun 28 Rajasthan Cricket Association's Centre of Excellence v Australians
Venue TBC
October 2008
Thu 2 - Sun 5
04:00 GMT TBC v Australians
Venue TBC
Thu 9 - Mon 13
09:30 local, 04:00 GMT 1st Test - India v Australia
M Chinnaswamy Stadium, Bangalore
Fri 17 - Tue 21
09:30 local, 04:00 GMT 2nd Test - India v Australia
Punjab Cricket Association Stadium, Mohali, Chandigarh
Wed 29 - Sun 2
09:30 local, 04:00 GMT 3rd Test - India v Australia
Feroz Shah Kotla, Delhi
November 2008
Thu 6 - Mon 10
09:30 local, 04:00 GMT 4th Test - India v Australia
Vidarbha Cricket Association Ground, Nagpur
Indian National Anthem chose World's Best National Anthem by UNESCO
Indian National Anthem chose World's Best National Anthem by UNESCO
Indian National Anthem "Jana Gana Mana" written and composed by Rabindra Nath Tagore has been chosen as the World's Best National Anthem by UNESCO.
Jana Gana Mana Written in Sanskritised Bengali, it is the first of five stanzas of a Brahmo hymn composed and scored by Nobel laureate Rabindranath Tagore.
It was first sung at the Calcutta Session of the Indian National Congress,on 27 December 1911. Jana Gana Mana was officially adopted by the Constituent Assembly as the Indian national anthem on January 24, 1950. The music for the "current version" is said to be derived from a composition for the song by Ram Singh Thakur, although some dispute this.
A formal rendition of the national anthem takes about forty-eight to fifty-two seconds.
The lyrics of the national anthem is as follows
Jana gaṇa mana adhināyaka jaya hē
Bhārata bhāgya Vidhātā
Pañjāba Sindhu Gujarāṭa Marāṭhā
Drāviḍa Utkala Baṅga
Vindhya Himācala ẏamunā Gaṅgā
Ucchala jaladhi taraṅga
Tava śubha nāmē jāgē
Tava śubha āśiṣa māgē
Gāhē tava jaya gāthā
Jana gaṇa maṅgala dāyaka jaya hē
Bhārata bhāgya vidhātā
Jaya hē jaya hē jaya hē
Jaya jaya jaya jaya hē
Indian National Anthem "Jana Gana Mana" written and composed by Rabindra Nath Tagore has been chosen as the World's Best National Anthem by UNESCO.
Jana Gana Mana Written in Sanskritised Bengali, it is the first of five stanzas of a Brahmo hymn composed and scored by Nobel laureate Rabindranath Tagore.
It was first sung at the Calcutta Session of the Indian National Congress,on 27 December 1911. Jana Gana Mana was officially adopted by the Constituent Assembly as the Indian national anthem on January 24, 1950. The music for the "current version" is said to be derived from a composition for the song by Ram Singh Thakur, although some dispute this.
A formal rendition of the national anthem takes about forty-eight to fifty-two seconds.
The lyrics of the national anthem is as follows
Jana gaṇa mana adhināyaka jaya hē
Bhārata bhāgya Vidhātā
Pañjāba Sindhu Gujarāṭa Marāṭhā
Drāviḍa Utkala Baṅga
Vindhya Himācala ẏamunā Gaṅgā
Ucchala jaladhi taraṅga
Tava śubha nāmē jāgē
Tava śubha āśiṣa māgē
Gāhē tava jaya gāthā
Jana gaṇa maṅgala dāyaka jaya hē
Bhārata bhāgya vidhātā
Jaya hē jaya hē jaya hē
Jaya jaya jaya jaya hē
48 most irritating things in IT / Technology
Technology has made the world a better place – but it's also made it much more annoying. Come with us as we unveil the 48 most irritating things in IT.
48. Chargers. A different charger for every single gadget, and a new type of charger whenever there's a minor model upgrade. Brilliant.
47. Steve Jobs. Yes, the man's a genius – but be honest. You want to punch him. You do!
46. Microsoft(r) Product(tm) Names(c) Pointless Edition(tm) 2008 Service Pack 3.1 beta 4 – On Ice!
45. Tabloid scare stories. Facebook will eat your face, or kill bees, or something.
44. Exploding laptops. You'd think that we could make a battery that doesn't catch on fire by now.
43. DRM. It's Latin for "pain in the arse".
42. Software that needs 99 patches. Here's an idea. Why not test it before you release it?
41. Red Rings of Death. Memo to Microsoft: hardware isn't software. You can't flog it and fix it later.
40. Traffic management and bandwidth caps. Which bit of "unlimited" don't ISPs understand?
39. International roaming. Yes, Mr Mobile network. £400 per email is great value for money.
38. Stupid format wars. They're not big, they're not clever, and they mean early adopters get their fingers burnt. Not the smartest business strategy.
37. Software bloat. Especially antivirus software that's so bloated our PCs can't get infected because there's no room left for anything.
36. Product launches that think they're rock concerts. It's a new SDK! Guitar solo!
35. Unnecessary obsolescence. Forcing us to buy stuff we don't need by breaking stuff we already have? What an excellent, customer-friendly idea.
34. Facebook and MySpace. Just because.
33. Printer ink and mobile phone data charges. It'd be cheaper to do drugs. DRUGS MADE OF GOLD AND DIAMONDS.
32. Advertising. It's a necessary evil, but does it have to be quite so evil?
31. Viral sodding marketing.
30. Fanboys. Your choice of operating system/games console/telephone is better than my choice of operating system/games console/telephone? Why, how fascinating. Please, marry my daughter.
29. Friends Reunited reminders. "People you hate have signed up. Please come back! Please!"
28. Email forwards. Is it unfair to respond with a string of expletives? It is? Sorry, mum.
27. RealPlayer. Like the Black Death, but made of software.
26. eBook Readers. Just like real books, but more expensive, less useful, stuffed with DRM and likely to electrocute you in the bath.
25. Blog commenters. No, not you. Them.
24. Batteries. It's funny how 100 per cent charge becomes 0 per cent the second you actually need to do something.
23. Wireless networks. They work through walls, you say? Our router can't throw a packet through a hamster.
22. Family members. There's nothing we love more than getting rid of spyware and Trojans from your laptop during Christmas dinner while shuddering in horror at your search history.
21. Online gaming. Like the Jerry Springer Show, but global and 24/7.
20. Greedy software. You've installed an image viewer. Of course you want it to play your MP3s, answer the door and babysit the kids.
19. Acrobat Reader. The software equivalent of using a nuclear warhead to drill a hole.
18. Google's cache / the Wayback Machine. We deleted it for a reason!
17. Internet banking. 27 different card readers, 304 passwords and a magic dance to discover you're still broke.
16. Endless betas. When Gmail 1.0 comes out, we'll all be living on Mars.
15. Unboxing videos. What's next? Getting The Bus Home From The Shop videos?
14. Stupid! prodct! namez! WiTHuneCCEssaryCAPITALisatioNandnospaceS!
13. People who shout WOO! at product launches and tech conferences.
12. Mid-game mystery reboots. No end of level boss is as wicked as Windows Update.
11. Software pop-ups. Interrupting us when we're doing something interesting to tell us something completely useless? How kind.
10. Mysterious status updates. "Sharon is very annoyed with a certain someone and is going to tell you-know-who about you-know-what." What is this? Primary school?
9. Proprietary formats.
8. Marketing bullshit. 3-watt speakers are not "powerful".
7. Long launches. If it's ready, ship it. If it isn't, shut up.
6. Novelty USB products. The tech equivalent of "you don't have to be mad to work here, but it helps!!!!!" stickers.
5. Device not found. IT'S RIGHT THERE! LOOK AT IT! YOU'RE BOTH TURNED ON!
4. Ugly PCs. Surely it's not that hard to make something that isn't hideous?
3. Broadband speeds. Sure, you can get 20Mb – if you move home and live in the phone exchange.
2. Long boot times. On PCs, on phones, on consoles, on absolutely everything. Time is money, people!
1. Pocket patting. The constant, irrational fear that you've left your laptop/iPod/phone/DS/PSP in the pub even though you know you haven't. The more beers you've had, the more times you'll check.
48. Chargers. A different charger for every single gadget, and a new type of charger whenever there's a minor model upgrade. Brilliant.
47. Steve Jobs. Yes, the man's a genius – but be honest. You want to punch him. You do!
46. Microsoft(r) Product(tm) Names(c) Pointless Edition(tm) 2008 Service Pack 3.1 beta 4 – On Ice!
45. Tabloid scare stories. Facebook will eat your face, or kill bees, or something.
44. Exploding laptops. You'd think that we could make a battery that doesn't catch on fire by now.
43. DRM. It's Latin for "pain in the arse".
42. Software that needs 99 patches. Here's an idea. Why not test it before you release it?
41. Red Rings of Death. Memo to Microsoft: hardware isn't software. You can't flog it and fix it later.
40. Traffic management and bandwidth caps. Which bit of "unlimited" don't ISPs understand?
39. International roaming. Yes, Mr Mobile network. £400 per email is great value for money.
38. Stupid format wars. They're not big, they're not clever, and they mean early adopters get their fingers burnt. Not the smartest business strategy.
37. Software bloat. Especially antivirus software that's so bloated our PCs can't get infected because there's no room left for anything.
36. Product launches that think they're rock concerts. It's a new SDK! Guitar solo!
35. Unnecessary obsolescence. Forcing us to buy stuff we don't need by breaking stuff we already have? What an excellent, customer-friendly idea.
34. Facebook and MySpace. Just because.
33. Printer ink and mobile phone data charges. It'd be cheaper to do drugs. DRUGS MADE OF GOLD AND DIAMONDS.
32. Advertising. It's a necessary evil, but does it have to be quite so evil?
31. Viral sodding marketing.
30. Fanboys. Your choice of operating system/games console/telephone is better than my choice of operating system/games console/telephone? Why, how fascinating. Please, marry my daughter.
29. Friends Reunited reminders. "People you hate have signed up. Please come back! Please!"
28. Email forwards. Is it unfair to respond with a string of expletives? It is? Sorry, mum.
27. RealPlayer. Like the Black Death, but made of software.
26. eBook Readers. Just like real books, but more expensive, less useful, stuffed with DRM and likely to electrocute you in the bath.
25. Blog commenters. No, not you. Them.
24. Batteries. It's funny how 100 per cent charge becomes 0 per cent the second you actually need to do something.
23. Wireless networks. They work through walls, you say? Our router can't throw a packet through a hamster.
22. Family members. There's nothing we love more than getting rid of spyware and Trojans from your laptop during Christmas dinner while shuddering in horror at your search history.
21. Online gaming. Like the Jerry Springer Show, but global and 24/7.
20. Greedy software. You've installed an image viewer. Of course you want it to play your MP3s, answer the door and babysit the kids.
19. Acrobat Reader. The software equivalent of using a nuclear warhead to drill a hole.
18. Google's cache / the Wayback Machine. We deleted it for a reason!
17. Internet banking. 27 different card readers, 304 passwords and a magic dance to discover you're still broke.
16. Endless betas. When Gmail 1.0 comes out, we'll all be living on Mars.
15. Unboxing videos. What's next? Getting The Bus Home From The Shop videos?
14. Stupid! prodct! namez! WiTHuneCCEssaryCAPITALisatioNandnospaceS!
13. People who shout WOO! at product launches and tech conferences.
12. Mid-game mystery reboots. No end of level boss is as wicked as Windows Update.
11. Software pop-ups. Interrupting us when we're doing something interesting to tell us something completely useless? How kind.
10. Mysterious status updates. "Sharon is very annoyed with a certain someone and is going to tell you-know-who about you-know-what." What is this? Primary school?
9. Proprietary formats.
8. Marketing bullshit. 3-watt speakers are not "powerful".
7. Long launches. If it's ready, ship it. If it isn't, shut up.
6. Novelty USB products. The tech equivalent of "you don't have to be mad to work here, but it helps!!!!!" stickers.
5. Device not found. IT'S RIGHT THERE! LOOK AT IT! YOU'RE BOTH TURNED ON!
4. Ugly PCs. Surely it's not that hard to make something that isn't hideous?
3. Broadband speeds. Sure, you can get 20Mb – if you move home and live in the phone exchange.
2. Long boot times. On PCs, on phones, on consoles, on absolutely everything. Time is money, people!
1. Pocket patting. The constant, irrational fear that you've left your laptop/iPod/phone/DS/PSP in the pub even though you know you haven't. The more beers you've had, the more times you'll check.
Hiroshima : Just after the Bombing : Pictures
Hiroshima was the primary target of the first nuclear bombing mission on August 6, with Kokura and Nagasaki being alternative targets. August 6 was chosen because there had previously been cloud cover over the target. The 393d Bombardment Squadron B-29 Enola Gay, piloted and commanded by 509th Composite Group commander Colonel Paul Tibbets, was launched from North Field airbase on Tinian in the West Pacific, about six hours flight time from Japan. The Enola Gay (named after Colonel Tibbets' mother) was accompanied by two other B29s, The Great Artiste which carried instrumentation, commanded by Major Charles W. Sweeney, and a then-nameless aircraft later called Necessary Evil (the photography aircraft) commanded by Captain George Marquardt.
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